Monday
Monday: Purpose and Audience
The last issue of the fall is one week away. Three folders sit on the Signal Desk: stories, explainers, arguments.
"We revise all of them this week," Raven says. "Then we print."
Rocket pulls out his garden notice. "This one is done. I wrote it in ten minutes."
Raven reads it aloud: "So the gardeners said the thing about the tent is done." She stops. "Who is this for?"
"Us," Rocket says. Then, slower: "No. It is for the block. People who were not on the porch."
"What do you notice about what they would need to know?" Raven asks.
Nova hovers over the folders, her light settling on the notice. "Same facts," she says. "Different reader. Start there."
Rocket picks up a fresh card and writes "For: neighbors" across the top.
Learn it: revise for purpose and audience
Revising is not fixing commas. Revising changes what the piece says and how it is arranged so it does its job for its reader.
Start with two questions. What is this piece for: to tell a story, to explain, or to argue? Who will read it, and what do they already know?
Raven thinks aloud: "The notice is to explain new garden hours. The readers are neighbors who were not on the porch. So the notice needs the when, the where and the why, in plain order."
A piece written for the crew can skip things the crew already knows. A piece written for the block cannot.
- Name the purpose in one word: narrate, explain or argue.
- Name the audience and one thing they do not know yet.
- Read your draft as that reader. Mark every place they would ask "What?" or "Why?"
- Add what the reader needs. Cut what only you care about.
Read it: a notice, before and after
This week's mentor texts are pieces from The Signal, the crew's paper about their made-up neighborhood, shown before and after revision.
So the gardeners said the thing about the tent is done and now they are moving the hours because of it.
They will be there later than before, which is good, I think. The trays stay under the tent now, so nobody has to carry them.
Anyway if you go you will see it.
Garden Hours Change (the same notice, revised for neighbors who read The Signal)
The community garden on Maple Street has new hours now that the shade tent is up.
The Saturday planting hour moves from seven in the morning to ten, because the seedling beds now stay cool until noon.
The seedling trays will stay under the tent, so volunteers no longer need to carry them to the porch.
Neighbors are welcome to stop by any Saturday at ten. Bring gloves if you have them, and the gardeners will find you a row.
Questions can be left in the Signal mailbox on the porch, and we will print the answers next week.
- Read the question.
- Tap your answer.
| Revision moves | True or false? |
|---|---|
| The revised notice gives the where, the when and the why. | ? |
| The first draft was written with neighbors in mind. | ? |
| Revising mostly means fixing commas. | ? |
| The revision tells readers what to do with questions. | ? |
- What do you do first when revising for a reader?
- Tap the cards in order.
Then read the revised version. Ask whether their question got answered.
I can name my audience and one thing they do not know yet.
I have marked every place my reader would ask "What?" or "Why?"
Purpose and audience point the way. Tomorrow you learn the four moves of revision: add, remove, move and reword.